Jorge Leonidas the 1st

It was a Sunday afternoon when my wife gave me the pregnancy kit that had two lines on it. Since that was my first time to see a pregnancy kit, i was not really sure if that was a positive or negative result. Turns out it was positive. The feeling was surreal. Something i cant really describe. We both were so happy that finally we were gonna have a baby of our own. Maybe our own Rama or Kiko or Leona or whoever. Bottomline is, we were so happy and excited!

Peppers first ultrasound revealed that the baby was in the right place. But since it was too early, that was all that ultrasound could do. It was good new nonetheless.

The video i posted above was the 2nd ultrasound. During this ultrasound, the sac, egg and heartbeat could already be detected. I was outside getting this vid. I just couldnt believe that this was my first glimpse of our baby! After a few minutes, i was then called by the doctor alongside pepper. Turns out, there was a problem with the baby. The baby wasnt eating much and the heartbeat was just at 60 beats per minute while the normal is 120 to 180 beats per second. This was not good news. Pepper was then advised to be in bed rest for the next two weeks till she gets her 3rd ultrasound.

During the two weeks, we just kept on praying and hoping that our baby would get stronger before the 3rd ultrasound. Pepper and I also had a talk that we should prepare for the worst but try our best to make the baby survive. The night before the 3rd ultrasound, Pepper was scared and so was I. We were just hours away from finding out if our baby was going to be ok.

The third ultrasound was probably the longest 3mins of our lives. We were just there looking at the monitor while the doctor was just silently operating the machine. Then, all of a sudden, the doctor said that the ultrsound was over. I then asked her "Doc, what about the heartbeat?" The doctor just said that we should just wait for the results and give it to peppers ob-gyn. We both knew that something was wrong. When we got the results, we then hurried to an ob-gyn available that time since Pepper's doctor wasnt available. we couldnt wait to know whats up. We then found an available doctor who could interpret the results of the ultrasound. The doctor confirmed our fears. We lost our baby.

Pepper and I did not breakdown. We were sad yet we were also prepared for this. When we got to their house in BF, thats when she started crying. Tho i was also saddened by the news, my brain just had a longer time to transmit the news to my emotions. I did not shed a tear tho i was teary-eyed when i talked to some of my family members about it.

Two days after the news, Pepper made this little scrap book about our short journey with our baby. Reading through the scrap book brought me back to the joy and excitement that i felt during the first weeks of her pregnancy but also made me realize that our baby was gone. Thats when it hit me. All the emotions ive kept for two days just came out pouring. I cried so hard just thinking that it was a fight that i wish i couldve fought with our baby. Its so hard to just watch and be helpless. He was all alone in his fight. A fight wherein he lost.

We named him Jorge Leonidas. Jorge being the name of his lolo and Leonidas, the legendary king of sparta made famous again by the movie 300. We named him after Leonidas because we felt that he fought against the odds lost. But winning was not the important part, it was the fighting.

God bless you my son. We love you. May the heavens provide you with the same love that we wouldve given you and more. Rest in peace Jorge Leonidas David Entrata.