Jorge Leonidas the 1st

It was a Sunday afternoon when my wife gave me the pregnancy kit that had two lines on it. Since that was my first time to see a pregnancy kit, i was not really sure if that was a positive or negative result. Turns out it was positive. The feeling was surreal. Something i cant really describe. We both were so happy that finally we were gonna have a baby of our own. Maybe our own Rama or Kiko or Leona or whoever. Bottomline is, we were so happy and excited!

Peppers first ultrasound revealed that the baby was in the right place. But since it was too early, that was all that ultrasound could do. It was good new nonetheless.

The video i posted above was the 2nd ultrasound. During this ultrasound, the sac, egg and heartbeat could already be detected. I was outside getting this vid. I just couldnt believe that this was my first glimpse of our baby! After a few minutes, i was then called by the doctor alongside pepper. Turns out, there was a problem with the baby. The baby wasnt eating much and the heartbeat was just at 60 beats per minute while the normal is 120 to 180 beats per second. This was not good news. Pepper was then advised to be in bed rest for the next two weeks till she gets her 3rd ultrasound.

During the two weeks, we just kept on praying and hoping that our baby would get stronger before the 3rd ultrasound. Pepper and I also had a talk that we should prepare for the worst but try our best to make the baby survive. The night before the 3rd ultrasound, Pepper was scared and so was I. We were just hours away from finding out if our baby was going to be ok.

The third ultrasound was probably the longest 3mins of our lives. We were just there looking at the monitor while the doctor was just silently operating the machine. Then, all of a sudden, the doctor said that the ultrsound was over. I then asked her "Doc, what about the heartbeat?" The doctor just said that we should just wait for the results and give it to peppers ob-gyn. We both knew that something was wrong. When we got the results, we then hurried to an ob-gyn available that time since Pepper's doctor wasnt available. we couldnt wait to know whats up. We then found an available doctor who could interpret the results of the ultrasound. The doctor confirmed our fears. We lost our baby.

Pepper and I did not breakdown. We were sad yet we were also prepared for this. When we got to their house in BF, thats when she started crying. Tho i was also saddened by the news, my brain just had a longer time to transmit the news to my emotions. I did not shed a tear tho i was teary-eyed when i talked to some of my family members about it.

Two days after the news, Pepper made this little scrap book about our short journey with our baby. Reading through the scrap book brought me back to the joy and excitement that i felt during the first weeks of her pregnancy but also made me realize that our baby was gone. Thats when it hit me. All the emotions ive kept for two days just came out pouring. I cried so hard just thinking that it was a fight that i wish i couldve fought with our baby. Its so hard to just watch and be helpless. He was all alone in his fight. A fight wherein he lost.

We named him Jorge Leonidas. Jorge being the name of his lolo and Leonidas, the legendary king of sparta made famous again by the movie 300. We named him after Leonidas because we felt that he fought against the odds lost. But winning was not the important part, it was the fighting.

God bless you my son. We love you. May the heavens provide you with the same love that we wouldve given you and more. Rest in peace Jorge Leonidas David Entrata.

Mga crush ni Rama

ive decided to post this vid because its a good compliment to the latest blog of ate poch.

Hope you all like this one. Its just too bad that i didnt fix the lighting on my cam thats why its a bit dark.

Rama's promise

Here is a vid of rama saying that she'll be back in the philippines soon :) ive posted it here just to make sure that she keeps her promise, hehehe.

the lighting looks a bit weird tho but who cares, right?

also, i finally got it right with youtube so the voice and vid are in sync.

Now it hits me!

The past couple of days have been really weird for me. Last thursday, i had a dream and in that dream, i was saying goodbye to Rama. Last night, man, my dream was really emotional that i woke up.....crying! yes, you read that right, i was crying. My dream was, again, saying goodbye to Rama. I think that i've been having these dreams because i really was just acting all cool and stuff when they were leaving. You know, no biggie. I mean, one of my best friends left for China, and it was cool. Sad, yes, but nothing emotional. So when ate poch and rama were leaving, again, sad, but nothing really emotional. but i guess you can't hide from your subconsious mind.

I think my last dream was caused by a lot of things that reminded me and my wife of rama. earlier that night, we went to shopwise to buy loads of unhealthy stuff to devour on. and while we were stralling on the aisles, we saw a Cinderella dress for sale. exactly the one she has! so again, me and pepper started remeniscing about how great a child she is. then when we got home, i went online and one of my fave sites is ate poch's blogsite. finally there was something new to read. when i read her most recent blog, i laughed as usual, but at the same time, i pictured them in the plane and i also felt sad. so there, i went to sleep and i dreamt that we were still saying goodbye to ate poch and rama.

Why is rama so memorable and important to me and pepper? Yes, she is very beautiful and charming, especially when you see her in person, but what really made us love her is the fact that she is not your typical kid. why do i say that? its because she's not the usual kid who, especially in her age, would throw in a fit if she doesnt get what she wants. she's very respectful and when you say something, she respects it. i dont even remember hearing the word NO from her. she's always saying "okay" even when you know that it breaks her heart to say it. Trust me, ive been around kids and ive never seen any kid like that. she has a really great sense of humour and would even pull off a prank on us. actually, there are so many things that you cant list everything down. all im saying is, she made me believe that kids can be cute but at the same time be very respectful also. its a tough combination to find.

i commend the people around her for making her that way. pepper and i will be striving to make sure that our kid be like that also. I hope rama stays the same. 2 years, if ever we're lucky, is a long time before we get to see her again. we just hope she doesnt forget us, coz we sure wouldnt forget her! even for just a little under two years that she was here, she has touched our lives so dearly. and i think, everyone who were fortunate enough to know her, feels the same way.

The pic on top was from our despedida for rama and ate poch. The pic on the right is the last pic i have with rama which we took before we headed for the airport.

Rama praying

this is a video of rama praying in spanish. well, among other things. as usual, the audio is delayed again!

haaay...we all miss rama so much. its just funny that last night when pepper and i were about to sleep, we saw that the disney channel was showing THE INCREDIBLES. a movie that rama made us watch around 3 times!

rama covers boom tarat

This is rama's version of that really annoying song. I love it tho whenever rama sings it. She's the cutest i swear! Again, the sound is a bit delayed as usual. Dunno why youtube messes it up.

Two Princesses.....

Im just so blessed to have these two beautiful girls as my niece's. Arent they lovely? These pics were taken during Nella's (my ate suzi's 3rd daughter) 1st bday. I will post more pics from the party soon!